We all have clients … well, without saying anything detrimental about anyone, let’s just end that sentence right there! We all have clients (hopefully ours will remain after this).
From time to time, us and the agencies we work for have clients and prospects who challenge the grey matter.Here are a few things ourselves and our agencies have been asked that drive us all a little insane. Enjoy!
My Logo is too small, can you make it bigger?
It may sound like something a marketing agency should be able to do, but if you stretch out a pizza base you will end up with holes. You cannot make a standard image bigger without it losing quality – we call this pixelating. Sorry, our magic stops at logo (or other image) enlargement.
I launched my website last week and searched “search term” and I am not top of the search results, why?
Regardless of when your website was launched, getting found on Google or Bing search results is an absolute science and not something that just happens. It requires hard, persistent work. Google change their algorithm over 500 times each year and their algorithm includes over 200 elements, and it is Google (or Bing) that ultimately determines what page of what website will be shown for what search query and where. We do our best when you purchase an SEO package with us, and generally get great results too.
I got my husband a new iPhone for Christmas, and needed the settings for his emails, but you didn’t answer the phone on Christmas day, why?
This genuinely happened! The client made a formal complaint. Sorry, I will rephrase that, the ex-client made a formal complaint that the phones were not answered on Christmas day. We endeavour to be super helpful, but one day a year we take off to spend with our families. However, if you are buying your loved one a new phone and need emails to work on it immediately, we recommend you contact us in advance of the holiday break.
Do you have a phone number for Google?
Well actually, the phone book is full of numbers for Google, who do you want to speak with?
I want a site that looks like this (show us Amazon) but have a very, VERY small budget, can you help?
Nope! Amazon is a highly complex site that has had multiple millions of pounds spent on it and the maintenance alone has many zeros at the end on a monthly basis. Please be realistic with your website budget, and also deliver what your prospects and customers need. Anything else may be overkill and confusing.
My website won’t load – here is a screenshot – why?
Well, if you look, you will see your have no Internet/data/wifi.
My Internet is not working, so my website is down, can you help?
Sorry, we do not deliver the Internet, try BT / Three / o2 etc …
I cannot send emails, why?
Because you are offline.To be fair to our clients and prospects, most of these (ish) are made up, and just written because we all need a little light-heartedness from time to time. We hope you enjoyed reading this.
